Married bisexual men for dating
Eventually, I overcame my fears as exactly that -- fears, not truths.Unfortunately, much of society, including the lesbian and gay community, still struggle with those same fears and misunderstandings about bisexual people.My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatable, but our different orientations were hardly the reason why we split.In actuality, our orientations slightly overlapped, like Venn diagrams – our relationship existed in the purple area between his bisexual red and my gay blue. I could attempt to rationalize my cheating and say that I did it because I thought that, as a bisexual, he would rebound fast with a girl or hit his (larger) playing field with a vengeance. I cheated because I was horny, and I lied about it because I didn’t want him to know, and by telling him the truth — months after the fact, and long overdue — I hurt him deeply.With the choice available to not come out as bi -- which some may see as a privilege -- many people find the line between staying true to oneself and keeping clear of conflict blurry and impassible.Robyn Ochs, speaker, writer and bi activist, explains, "Many people privately identify as bisexual but, to avoid conflict and preserve their ties to a treasured community, choose to identify publicly as lesbian, gay or straight or to stay silent, allowing others to presume that they do, further contributing to bisexual invisibility." Given how important being supported in coming out is for one's emotional and physical wellbeing, it is no wonder that the bisexual population fares so much worse than the lesbian and gay population, on a number of factors.
First of all, porn is fantasy, and although there’s very little I won’t try once (or twice), I to try in real life.
Even if there are some self-identified bisexuals who are romantically interested in one gender and sexually attracted to another, and even if some self-identified bisexuals just questioning and experimenting, let’s acknowledge where the real blame should lie: with queers like me who didn’t fully come out in the beginning.
Although it’s not intended to hurt anyone — many of us do it in an effort to protect ourselves from the homophobia of our friends and family — our temporary claims of bisexuality damage credibility and the dating field for those whose bisexuality is not temporary. My ex watched lesbian porn one night and it made me really uncomfortable.
But late one night, in a parking lot after we had spent an angry hour talking on the phone, I made a decision that I would later consider an act of mercy for both of us: I would never speak to him again — and didn't.
When I finally told him the truth, answering his oft-asked inquiries about my infidelity with a final, fateful yes, we remained locked in a toxic back-and-forth, shouting insults at each other for a month.
He had every right to hate me, as did all of his friends and all of his family, who welcomed me for a two-week stay one summer when we were together.